Symir and the idea of having a child by POPTART BILL

My newest little nephew was born a couple of weeks ago. His name is Symir, and he is one of the most beautiful and precious gifts that god could have ever given to my sister. I feel at odds however about our recent little addition to the family. I feel closer to Symir than I feel towards any of my other nieces and nephews. I love them all the same, don't get me wrong, from Maal-Maal and chuck chuck, and man man, all the way down to Symir and Jordan, they all get luv from me. And i'm glad that my brothers and sisters has given this family a nice firm young generation to carry all of our names into the future, even after our lives have past. But there's something about Symir. In the past, when one of my nieces or nephews were born I was either at school, or too young to truly get attached Like I have with Symir. With Symir, I was at the hospital when he was born. It felt like I was rite there the entire step of the way.

This gives little Symir a connection that I never had with any of my nieces and nephews. But there's even more to it than just being in the hospital while he was born. Before Symir, all of my nieces and nephews were birthed by older brothers and sisters of mine. In my mindset, these siblings have always looked out and protected me. Symir is the first nephew of mines born by my LITTLE sister, the sibling that I have watched over and protected my entire life. Anika has always been the mature kid between me and my youngest brother. It doesn't shock me that she is the first of us to take on one of the biggest responsibilities that life has to offer. Even though she has been the maturest of my mom's youngest kids, I still feel the natural impulse to protect. Thats why I believe that I'm so attached to little Symir. Yes he's cute and adorable, but he's my little sister's first child. I feel the need to protect him the same way I feel the need to protect Anika. In the past I have instinctually back-peddled away from holding newborn infants. I always felt that they would be safer away from me. I didn't want to hold them the wrong way, or squeeze them too tight. But with Symir, that is not the case. I enjoy holding the little guy. its amazing really. I just find the idea of my little sister having her first child fascinating.

Symir has generated a feeling within me that I never truely taken seriously in my entire life; The idea of having a child. Over the last couple of months, the idea has swirled in my head over and over, A BABY CREEP IN THE NEAR FUTURE??!?!?!?!. I mean, why not rite? Almost all of my brothers and sisters have at least a child, my best friend has a child (little Tony is adorable btw). I look on Facebook and all my high-school classmates have a child or children, posting the cutest and most adorable pictures you'll find on the internet. My cousins also have children. Everywhere I look there is an army of children around me. Shouldn't I be blessed with the gift of birth as well? After all, I don't want to wait until im too old to have a child do I?

While all this may be well and true, there's something about the idea of planning the birth of a child that trumps all other feelings. Now please do not mistake what I just said for anything other what I meant. having a child unexpectedly is one of god's precious surprises in life. If it turns out that Monique gets pregnant, I will be happy and filled with joy and will be ready and willing to make any changes and sacrifices necessary. I however, do not feel that I am quite ready for such a responsibility at the moment. I always said that I want to be financial stable before we bring a child into this world. That doesn't mean that I have to be rich, hit the lottery, or make partner in Philly's biggest law-firm. I just need to be able to provide for myself before I can provide for others. That is an ability that my sisters and brothers have that I do not. I also wanted to be living on my own before bringing a child into this world. Since I am still living in the basement of my mother and step-father's house, that goal hasn't been accomplished either. Basically, I feel that I need to grow a little more in life before the child baring phase can begin. These goals may not be attained before I have my first kid. I can honestly say that there's only two people that have set forth their goals and accomplished them before having their child; and their living in Denver in grad school with a newborn of their own. If these goals are not attained, its cool, but the idea of a planned pregnancy is my idea.

Well i've went on long enough about my nephew and my ideas. I'll let you get back to your lives. Thanks for stopping in and reading. I'll be back either tomorrow or Friday with another post in REAL TALK.

-POPTART BILL